Feeling exhilarated and exhausted, I sat in my car after having just completed a ten-mile charity walk around the Charles River when I got the dreaded phone call.
“Our cousin in New York City? He just passed away.”
What? Say that again? How? Did I just hear that? But I just saw him two weeks ago! Is this a joke?
Unexpectedly and suddenly, one of my cousins passed away alone in his Brooklyn apartment. No one will ever know the events that led up to that fateful day. Not even me. I was beyond devastated. His death arrived mere weeks after our family endured another traumatic experience.
Cousin Danny was a retired NYPD cop with a goofy laugh and a heart of gold for his family and for the community he served.
I was tremendously blessed to have spent a few days with him before he died. As we frequently talked about life and family, he shared his own nuggets of wisdom with me on how we all should strive to live our best life. Little did I know that this would be our last conversation.
1. Live Life Fully and Without Regrets. Live today like there will be no tomorrow. Stop worrying about things you have no control over.
2. Be Present. Devote time for others. Go the extra distance for others. Cousin Danny always made time for our family visits, despite his hectic work schedule, and his devotion to his parents and siblings was legendary.
3. Spend Money on Memories, Not Things. Don’t waste hard-earned money on material things that do not bring lasting happiness.
4. Be Humble. Be grateful for what you have. Cousin Danny frequently downplayed his own achievements and preferred the light to shine on those who paved the way for him — namely, his parents and our late grandmother.
5. Surround Yourself with Love. Have a support system. Embrace friendships. Cherish others and they will cherish you back. At his funeral, I will never forget the sights and sounds of the honor, unity and respect that were demonstrated and displayed by officers of his precinct.
In looking back, cousin Danny spent a lot of time taking care of others, but I wished he had given the same amount of care for himself. He was always larger than life and his chosen lifestyle reflected that. Indeed, he lived life with no regrets. He was a firm believer in working hard, but he never seemed to care about taking a vacation. Unfortunately, all work and no play does nobody any good.
To quote Katrina Mayer: “At the end of the day, the only questions I will ask myself are … Did I love enough? Did I laugh enough? Did I make a difference?” I wonder what cousin Danny’s response would have been.
Experiencing a tragedy like a death can change one’s perspective on life. Suddenly, the big things that you thought were important are not so important after all. Cousin Danny reminded me that life is not just about achieving money, fame and material stuff, but the things that deeply matter: our bond and connections with people. It is our shared memories and stories, the good times and the bad. In our many conversations over the years, he and I reflected on our shared love and admiration for our late grandmother who was the lightning rod in our family, a source of strength and resilience. Many of our values can be attributed to her example.
I miss my cousin every day, but I am thankful beyond words that I had a chance to spend time with him before his sudden passing. It does not make his loss any easier, but at least I do not live with the guilt of regret. Indeed, life is short. Hold on to what matters, before it is too late.
Image credit: Susan Ho
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